Why to be bothered by this stuff… we just think they are
We women are our own worst enemies. We beat ourselves up over things that we think make us losers in the game of life, particularly in the bit of it that involves catching and keeping men. Most of the time though, we may be wasting our energy. While we're busy worrying about the three pounds we gained last month, he's wondering whether you'll let him finish the prawn crackers. Not because he's an oaf, but because he likes you a lot more than you like yourself sometimes.
Here are 5 things you really should stop worrying about.
1. You've gained weight since you met
If the average man had a pound (£) for every pound (lb) that his girlfriend had gained in the last year, he'd have… well, no idea whatsoever. Even if he had noticed that she'd put on a bit of weight, the chances of him actually minding are as slim as a clothes hanger.
The media may have its ideal of long, toned limbs, but in real life men like all sorts of shapes - and different men have different tastes. You don't have to look far to find boyfriends moaning about how their girlfriends are less sexy when they go on diets.
Men love women's bodies, and your man loves yours. He also loves seeing it naked, and he'd much rather sleep with a confident curvy girl than with anyone who loathes her body, whatever shape it's in. He'd also much rather have the curvy girl round for dinner – standing in the supermarket queue with a selection of macrobiotic food for his date won’t make him feel good about you.
2. You slept together on your first date
Most women will tell you that they’re scared of seeming “easy” if they have sex on a first date, and that no man ever respects a woman he sleeps with on the first night. But speak to most men and they'll tell you that their thoughts are far less sinister than that. They either like a girl or they don't, and having sex on a first date or a fifth date is not necessarily going to change that.
Make up your own mind about sex on a first date, rather than trying to read his mind. Don't do it if it makes you uncomfortable and you’re likely to regret it the next day. Certainly don't do it out of some insecure need to hang onto him. Sex should be about you both enjoying yourselves, not about guilt and emotional guesswork.
3. You talk too much
Some of us hate the way that we turn into babbling lunatics when we're talking to men we fancy. The more we talk, the more embarrassed we get, and the more we talk to try and compensate. It's incredible that the poor men ever hang around to let us finish a sentence, let alone 50 sentences before we take a breath.
The truth is that many men hang around because they don't mind our babble. Some even quite like it. They find it interesting and endearing - or at the very least, they're grateful for the chance to shut up and drink their beer while we do all the conversational hard work. A smart single man will also know that babbling is a sure sign that a woman fancies him.
4. You’ve got spots
Fresh, clean skin is sexy. Fresh, clean skin often has a few spots, no matter what age you are. Your man likes your skin in the buff - all of it, including the skin on your face - because it's the “you” that only he gets to see.
Some girls have more spots than other girls, and most girls have more spots at certain times of the month, but in truth, men really don't seem to mind all that much. They'd much rather see your bare skin in the morning than a face dotted with concealer that you nipped out to apply at 6am. (He WILL notice.)
5. What happened with your ex
You think that you need to explain why you broke up, why you're still friends with him, how long ago it happened and why you won't make the same mistakes again, right? He doesn't care. Your past is your past. He may not be too keen if your ex boyfriend still has a key to your front door and comes round every day for a chat, but otherwise he's not going to lose much sleep over it. To him, your ex is that guy who doesn't get to sleep with you any more
Sunday 11 December 2011
Tuesday 22 November 2011
Monday 7 November 2011
HAIR GROWTH
If only hair would grow faster it’d be great, wouldn’t it? So how can you stimulate hair growth without spending a fortune on pills and potions of dubious origin and efficiency?
While there is no “miracle” that leads to spectacular hair growth, you can still obtain some good results following a few clever tips. Not surprising really – strong hair growth begins with good hair care, and the better you care for your hair, the faster it will grow!
Understanding how your hair grows
To manage your hair growth expectations, it’s important to understand the lifespan of a strand of hair.
A hair starts growing from the root, developing under the scalp in a miniscule envelope called the hair follicle.
The hair comes through the root from the papilla, situated at the bottom of the follicle and through which blood flows. This is the “raw material”, containing the blood that nourishes the hair to keep it growing.
Subsequently, blood flows from the papilla to the hair’s matrix where the growing cells that make the hair are situated. These cells are the fastest reproducing cells in the body.
The length of time a hair lasts (its lifespan) is genetically predetermined. For men, this is three years, on average, and for women it can be up to around four or five years.
What factors affect hair growth?
Hair growth depends on the blood supply to the root, and consequently on our diet as well. To encourage hair growth, we recommend the following:
Iron-sulphur proteins that can be found in chicken, sole, tuna, cheese, egg yolks, beans, lentils, and also in almonds and pistachios.
Oligo-elements zinc and magnesium that can be found in bananas, cocoa, oysters, prawns, egg yolks, soya, grain and wholemeal bread.
Iron, found in mussels, egg yolks, oysters, soya flour, grain, almonds and hazelnuts.
As well as vitamins A, B and C present in many types of food.
You also need to take into account how healthy the hair root is. Its development must not be reined in by impurities that stick to the base of the hair and can choke growth.
The rate at which hair grows also depends on the “genetic programming” in each individual and also on ethnicity. This means that for Caucasians the rate of hair growth will be around 1cm per month, while this would be 0.8cm per month for someone of African origin and 1.5cm per month for someone of Asian origin.
Hair growth also depends on the secretion of sex hormones carried by the blood, so if you’ve got plenty of them, your hair is likely to grow a bit faster!
Finally, seasonal changes have an influence on hair growth. In summer, the sun energises growth, unlike in winter and autumn when this mechanism is slower and growth is not so noticeable.
[See also: Help coloured hair survive winter]
Stimulating hair growth
Hair growth is linked to your lifestyle, so if you are getting good, regular sleep as well as a balanced, healthy diet, your hair will feel the effects. In fact, bad lifestyle shortens the lifespan of hair, which means it will then be shorter as it hasn’t had the time to grow.
Drinking lots of water and getting a balanced diet, which is rich in iron-sulphur proteins, iron, vitamins A, B and C as well as zinc and magnesium are both highly recommended.
Rather than going for commercial (and often expensive) hair-growth stimulators; you can try and stimulate growth through taking dietary supplements, which can be more effective. A cocktail of vitamin B, amino acids and zinc is a good place to start. You could also use beer yeast, which contains the nutritional elements necessary for hair’s strength (magnesium, and B vitamins). Zinc is also very important. Essential oils, which nourish the hair deeply, are equally recommended as long as they are used in appropriate doses.
Massaging your scalp regularly will stimulate the root and consequently, the hair, encouraging its growth. In fact, massage livens up blood circulation towards the roots and makes the collagen in tissue around the root more flexible, leaving more space for the hair’s activity. Avoid massage, however, if you have a greasy scalp.
Finally, don’t trust “miracle” shampoos that promise increased hair growth. In fact, to activate hair growth, a product needs to reach the root, situated 4mm underneath the scalp, and shampoo does not penetrate beneath the skin.
And in any case, these substances, which are absolutely necessary for hair growth (essential oils, vitamins and minerals), would be infinitely more powerful in more concentrated quantities than those found diluted into the cleansing ingredients in shampoos.
Dos and don’ts for fast-growing hair
Don’t: tie back your hair too tightly, as hairs can break and even fall out due to the continuous pressure exerted on the roots. So be careful! Keeping your hair up all the time won’t slow down hair growth as long as it is not tied back too securely.
Don’t: dry your hair at too high a temperature or too close to the scalp, and even avoid straightening your hair with hair tongs as these can damage the hair and can make it break, thus preventing the hair from growing in a uniform way.
Do: use brushes and combs made out of natural fibres, like brushes made of wild boar hair for example, and wooden combs, so as to prevent hair breaking. It is strongly recommended that you avoid using synthetic brushes. Hélène Clauderer, founder of the Clauderer Centre and hair care specialist, is even against the use of all brushes. She states that, “It’s absurd to advise young girls to brush their hair constantly when vigorous brushing tears out hair.” “Furthermore, static electricity caused by brushing sensitises the keratin in hair. If you have knots, it is enough just to tease them out gently with a comb,” she explains.
Do: get into the habit of applying natural hair masks with collagen protein bases mixed with vegetable oils in order to nourish and hydrate the hair. Be careful especially not to use a mask containing products based on silicon and other substances, which are harmful for the hair.
Don’t: overdo chemical based hair products. You’ll have noticed that hair lacquer damages and dries out the hair, leaving it brittle. In the same way, repeated applications of hair colour and other chemical treatments attack the keratin in the hair and will thin it, causing it to break.
Don’t: wash your hair in hard water. Lime scale is also bad for the hair, especially if the hair is already fragile, so you should wash it in soft water as a matter of preference. If you can't get soft water on tap, then indulge yourself with a bottle of good spring water - at least for the final rinse.
While there is no “miracle” that leads to spectacular hair growth, you can still obtain some good results following a few clever tips. Not surprising really – strong hair growth begins with good hair care, and the better you care for your hair, the faster it will grow!
Understanding how your hair grows
To manage your hair growth expectations, it’s important to understand the lifespan of a strand of hair.
A hair starts growing from the root, developing under the scalp in a miniscule envelope called the hair follicle.
The hair comes through the root from the papilla, situated at the bottom of the follicle and through which blood flows. This is the “raw material”, containing the blood that nourishes the hair to keep it growing.
Subsequently, blood flows from the papilla to the hair’s matrix where the growing cells that make the hair are situated. These cells are the fastest reproducing cells in the body.
The length of time a hair lasts (its lifespan) is genetically predetermined. For men, this is three years, on average, and for women it can be up to around four or five years.
What factors affect hair growth?
Hair growth depends on the blood supply to the root, and consequently on our diet as well. To encourage hair growth, we recommend the following:
Iron-sulphur proteins that can be found in chicken, sole, tuna, cheese, egg yolks, beans, lentils, and also in almonds and pistachios.
Oligo-elements zinc and magnesium that can be found in bananas, cocoa, oysters, prawns, egg yolks, soya, grain and wholemeal bread.
Iron, found in mussels, egg yolks, oysters, soya flour, grain, almonds and hazelnuts.
As well as vitamins A, B and C present in many types of food.
You also need to take into account how healthy the hair root is. Its development must not be reined in by impurities that stick to the base of the hair and can choke growth.
The rate at which hair grows also depends on the “genetic programming” in each individual and also on ethnicity. This means that for Caucasians the rate of hair growth will be around 1cm per month, while this would be 0.8cm per month for someone of African origin and 1.5cm per month for someone of Asian origin.
Hair growth also depends on the secretion of sex hormones carried by the blood, so if you’ve got plenty of them, your hair is likely to grow a bit faster!
Finally, seasonal changes have an influence on hair growth. In summer, the sun energises growth, unlike in winter and autumn when this mechanism is slower and growth is not so noticeable.
[See also: Help coloured hair survive winter]
Stimulating hair growth
Hair growth is linked to your lifestyle, so if you are getting good, regular sleep as well as a balanced, healthy diet, your hair will feel the effects. In fact, bad lifestyle shortens the lifespan of hair, which means it will then be shorter as it hasn’t had the time to grow.
Drinking lots of water and getting a balanced diet, which is rich in iron-sulphur proteins, iron, vitamins A, B and C as well as zinc and magnesium are both highly recommended.
Rather than going for commercial (and often expensive) hair-growth stimulators; you can try and stimulate growth through taking dietary supplements, which can be more effective. A cocktail of vitamin B, amino acids and zinc is a good place to start. You could also use beer yeast, which contains the nutritional elements necessary for hair’s strength (magnesium, and B vitamins). Zinc is also very important. Essential oils, which nourish the hair deeply, are equally recommended as long as they are used in appropriate doses.
Massaging your scalp regularly will stimulate the root and consequently, the hair, encouraging its growth. In fact, massage livens up blood circulation towards the roots and makes the collagen in tissue around the root more flexible, leaving more space for the hair’s activity. Avoid massage, however, if you have a greasy scalp.
Finally, don’t trust “miracle” shampoos that promise increased hair growth. In fact, to activate hair growth, a product needs to reach the root, situated 4mm underneath the scalp, and shampoo does not penetrate beneath the skin.
And in any case, these substances, which are absolutely necessary for hair growth (essential oils, vitamins and minerals), would be infinitely more powerful in more concentrated quantities than those found diluted into the cleansing ingredients in shampoos.
Dos and don’ts for fast-growing hair
Don’t: tie back your hair too tightly, as hairs can break and even fall out due to the continuous pressure exerted on the roots. So be careful! Keeping your hair up all the time won’t slow down hair growth as long as it is not tied back too securely.
Don’t: dry your hair at too high a temperature or too close to the scalp, and even avoid straightening your hair with hair tongs as these can damage the hair and can make it break, thus preventing the hair from growing in a uniform way.
Do: use brushes and combs made out of natural fibres, like brushes made of wild boar hair for example, and wooden combs, so as to prevent hair breaking. It is strongly recommended that you avoid using synthetic brushes. Hélène Clauderer, founder of the Clauderer Centre and hair care specialist, is even against the use of all brushes. She states that, “It’s absurd to advise young girls to brush their hair constantly when vigorous brushing tears out hair.” “Furthermore, static electricity caused by brushing sensitises the keratin in hair. If you have knots, it is enough just to tease them out gently with a comb,” she explains.
Do: get into the habit of applying natural hair masks with collagen protein bases mixed with vegetable oils in order to nourish and hydrate the hair. Be careful especially not to use a mask containing products based on silicon and other substances, which are harmful for the hair.
Don’t: overdo chemical based hair products. You’ll have noticed that hair lacquer damages and dries out the hair, leaving it brittle. In the same way, repeated applications of hair colour and other chemical treatments attack the keratin in the hair and will thin it, causing it to break.
Don’t: wash your hair in hard water. Lime scale is also bad for the hair, especially if the hair is already fragile, so you should wash it in soft water as a matter of preference. If you can't get soft water on tap, then indulge yourself with a bottle of good spring water - at least for the final rinse.
Wednesday 12 October 2011
The modern dating...!!!!!!
Forget Grandma’s wisdom – the modern dating scene has evolved and some of the most classic Dating Advice is now obsolete.
Wait three days to callIn the olden days, boy met girl, boy got girl’s phone number, boy waited three days to ring girl, boy looked mysterious and exotic. But those days have gone. In modern times when all of us carry around smart phones that can call, text, email, social-network, and IM, let alone challenge anyone to a game of online Scrabble at any time, waiting three days to get in touch just makes boy look like he ran out of call credit or like he’s trying too hard to be “cool”. Really, just get in touch the next day. Within 24 hours. If you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard then don’t try too hard – just pick up the phone and say something simple like, “I really enjoyed meeting you and I’d love to go out sometime soon. Fancy it?” Don’t agonise over being funny or clever – the more run-of-the-mill you are in early communications, the more confident and experienced you’ll seem, because it’ll look like you ask people out all the time. And that, believe it or not, is sexy.
Wait 3 dates to get intimate
Fifty years ago, the Pill had only just been invented and it was still the norm for women to wait until at least engagement before they got horizontal with their boyfriend. Time has marched on and these days, some women feel they’re being uncommonly chaste if they wait just until they leave the pub. The three-date rule was therefore invented to bridge the gap – couples were advised to go to bed together on the third date, and not a moment sooner. Good advice? No. While there are indisputably huge benefits to waiting before going to bed with a partner – you both get to know each other’s true personality and character before you take that next step; you don’t risk becoming chemically attached to each other, because you’re not producing Oxytocin, the “bonding hormone”, that gets released during intercourse; dating without sex keeps things very light and fun – three dates simply isn’t long enough to get to know a person beyond what they like to order for dessert. If you want to wait, better to wait three months. If you don’t want to wait, then still don’t stick to an arbitrary three-date curfew, as it removes all the mystery and excitement – better to ambush them at some unexpected time.
Whether you wait or don’t, it’s how you act afterwards that will dictate how the relationship progresses. If you act the same afterwards, there’s a good chance you’ll stay together. But if you become clingy, needy or moody, things will stall or stop. If you know you become emotionally invested afterwards (and many people do, it’s normal and natural!), then wait.
Make your partner jealous
If your partner seems less attentive towards you, less interested, and is taking you for granted, you should make them jealous, right? Wrong! Just pull back and concentrate on YOUR LIFE for a while. Anything else will look desperate and needy. For example, if you take your partner to a party and spend the evening chatting-up somebody else, your partner will feel insulted and offended, not attracted. It’ll look obvious and fake. Instead, take your partner to a party and talk to everyone else – be the life and soul, flit around, have fun. Don’t concentrate on your moody mate, throw yourself into enjoying the evening. Or go to the party with your friends and don’t invite them, wait for them to invite you out somewhere and fit it in along with all the other fun, interesting activities you have planned. That is what attracts people: self-assured, well-rounded people who pursue their own interests, ambitions and goals. If you fear your partner is losing interest in you, lose interest in them for a while and fill up your time with things you love to do. Your partner will either feel the loss of your company and come around again, or they’ll fade away and you’ll be upset but you’ll still have a successful, interesting life to support you.
Girls, play down your accomplishments
It used to be said that women should never try to impress a man with their accomplishments – her “job” was to seem impressed by him. Luckily, this isn’t true today. Recent research by Forbes in the US has shown that men are now more likely than ever before to want a wife with drive and ambition. A long-running study that follows the traits which single Americans want in a spouse revealed earlier this year that “Ambition and industriousness” has risen to enter the top 10 for the first time ever. It’s still only at number 10 but we can be sure it will continue to rise as more and more males see the benefits of having a clever, successful wife who can share the financial burden of supporting a home and family. So girls, don’t be afraid to shine on your date! If you just got a promotion, tell him about it. If there’s a long-term goal you long to achieve, reveal all. Your perfect partner will be one who is keen to help you reach for your personal stars.
Men, use money to impress a girl
Fellas, if you’ve ever thought that the only way to dazzle the ladies was to flash around some cash, read on – your bank-manager will thank you, as will your partner. For years it’s been generally regarded that women are most attracted to men who can afford to shower them with expensive gifts, jewellery and dinners. But the Lovegeist report – the UK’s biggest annual survey into singletons’ attitudes towards love – has consistently found that “thoughtful gestures” mean far more to women than “extravagant gestures”. Budget-conscious babes would rather their partner regularly performed sweet, meaningful actions (like getting rid of spiders, remembering to do household jobs she hates, making thoughtful presents, even just really listening to what she says) than buying occasional expensive presents. It’s just one of the ways that Beta males can out-perform Alphas in the romantic world. Women seek partners who will be good providers, but also who are dependable, safe and reliable. Remembering her favourite flowers is perfect – it will earn you far more love than the largest bunch of something she doesn’t like.
Wait three days to callIn the olden days, boy met girl, boy got girl’s phone number, boy waited three days to ring girl, boy looked mysterious and exotic. But those days have gone. In modern times when all of us carry around smart phones that can call, text, email, social-network, and IM, let alone challenge anyone to a game of online Scrabble at any time, waiting three days to get in touch just makes boy look like he ran out of call credit or like he’s trying too hard to be “cool”. Really, just get in touch the next day. Within 24 hours. If you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard then don’t try too hard – just pick up the phone and say something simple like, “I really enjoyed meeting you and I’d love to go out sometime soon. Fancy it?” Don’t agonise over being funny or clever – the more run-of-the-mill you are in early communications, the more confident and experienced you’ll seem, because it’ll look like you ask people out all the time. And that, believe it or not, is sexy.
Wait 3 dates to get intimate
Fifty years ago, the Pill had only just been invented and it was still the norm for women to wait until at least engagement before they got horizontal with their boyfriend. Time has marched on and these days, some women feel they’re being uncommonly chaste if they wait just until they leave the pub. The three-date rule was therefore invented to bridge the gap – couples were advised to go to bed together on the third date, and not a moment sooner. Good advice? No. While there are indisputably huge benefits to waiting before going to bed with a partner – you both get to know each other’s true personality and character before you take that next step; you don’t risk becoming chemically attached to each other, because you’re not producing Oxytocin, the “bonding hormone”, that gets released during intercourse; dating without sex keeps things very light and fun – three dates simply isn’t long enough to get to know a person beyond what they like to order for dessert. If you want to wait, better to wait three months. If you don’t want to wait, then still don’t stick to an arbitrary three-date curfew, as it removes all the mystery and excitement – better to ambush them at some unexpected time.
Whether you wait or don’t, it’s how you act afterwards that will dictate how the relationship progresses. If you act the same afterwards, there’s a good chance you’ll stay together. But if you become clingy, needy or moody, things will stall or stop. If you know you become emotionally invested afterwards (and many people do, it’s normal and natural!), then wait.
Make your partner jealous
If your partner seems less attentive towards you, less interested, and is taking you for granted, you should make them jealous, right? Wrong! Just pull back and concentrate on YOUR LIFE for a while. Anything else will look desperate and needy. For example, if you take your partner to a party and spend the evening chatting-up somebody else, your partner will feel insulted and offended, not attracted. It’ll look obvious and fake. Instead, take your partner to a party and talk to everyone else – be the life and soul, flit around, have fun. Don’t concentrate on your moody mate, throw yourself into enjoying the evening. Or go to the party with your friends and don’t invite them, wait for them to invite you out somewhere and fit it in along with all the other fun, interesting activities you have planned. That is what attracts people: self-assured, well-rounded people who pursue their own interests, ambitions and goals. If you fear your partner is losing interest in you, lose interest in them for a while and fill up your time with things you love to do. Your partner will either feel the loss of your company and come around again, or they’ll fade away and you’ll be upset but you’ll still have a successful, interesting life to support you.
Girls, play down your accomplishments
It used to be said that women should never try to impress a man with their accomplishments – her “job” was to seem impressed by him. Luckily, this isn’t true today. Recent research by Forbes in the US has shown that men are now more likely than ever before to want a wife with drive and ambition. A long-running study that follows the traits which single Americans want in a spouse revealed earlier this year that “Ambition and industriousness” has risen to enter the top 10 for the first time ever. It’s still only at number 10 but we can be sure it will continue to rise as more and more males see the benefits of having a clever, successful wife who can share the financial burden of supporting a home and family. So girls, don’t be afraid to shine on your date! If you just got a promotion, tell him about it. If there’s a long-term goal you long to achieve, reveal all. Your perfect partner will be one who is keen to help you reach for your personal stars.
Men, use money to impress a girl
Fellas, if you’ve ever thought that the only way to dazzle the ladies was to flash around some cash, read on – your bank-manager will thank you, as will your partner. For years it’s been generally regarded that women are most attracted to men who can afford to shower them with expensive gifts, jewellery and dinners. But the Lovegeist report – the UK’s biggest annual survey into singletons’ attitudes towards love – has consistently found that “thoughtful gestures” mean far more to women than “extravagant gestures”. Budget-conscious babes would rather their partner regularly performed sweet, meaningful actions (like getting rid of spiders, remembering to do household jobs she hates, making thoughtful presents, even just really listening to what she says) than buying occasional expensive presents. It’s just one of the ways that Beta males can out-perform Alphas in the romantic world. Women seek partners who will be good providers, but also who are dependable, safe and reliable. Remembering her favourite flowers is perfect – it will earn you far more love than the largest bunch of something she doesn’t like.
Friday 30 September 2011
No matter what you do or you stop doing , nothing is going to change the fact he doesn't love you or they love you , if the rarely ask you how you feel or "good morning, or what did the doctor say ?then please do me a a favour and love yourself and just leave. There is nothing you can't change, or things you can change rather on things you cannot change as they say, specially after you said you are leaving and he doesn t really care. that means something, be brave and find someone you trust and find your own path, remember you are worth enough why you have to go through this if the rest hasn't really understand...
Thursday 15 September 2011
The 5 Most Deadly Relationship Questions
Some questions just aren’t worth the oxygen you expend asking them. Especially in love. Here, match.com’s relationship expert Kate Taylor reveals the mistakes you don’t want to make out loud
“Did you get my message?”
Anyone who knows anything about love and life immediately recognises this question for what it is – the relationship equivalent of the pin being removed from a hand-grenade. You have approximately 10 seconds to get yourself to a place of safety, and you’re not going to make it if you simply reply, “Which one?” (with all its undertones of SMS complacency). What the asker of this question is really asking, of course, is: “Do you love me? Why don’t you reply to stuff I send you? You used to reply, you used to bombard me with texts all day. But these days, oh no, you’re too busy with your fancy friends and your new iPad to bother with the likes of me. Well, perhaps I’ll stop texting you then. I’ll use up my free text allowance exchanging filth with that ex who still emails me when they’re drunk. Would you like that? Would you? WOULD YOU?” The only way to bring this back is to put down whatever you’re doing – as long as it’s not your partner – and say, “Yes, shall we discuss it now?” You do risk that your partner will test you – saying deliberately oblique stuff like, “So are we on?” or throwing out a bluff like, “Yellow or blue?” – but you have to take the chance. Often all your partner really wants to hear is, “I love you.” And the sound of their text-alert a bit more often.
“Was it good for you?”
Really, come on – what are they going to say? Lying there, damply steaming in the afterglow, no partner is ever going to give you a truthful post-match analysis: “The first five minutes were a sheer joy, but you lost your way in the second half. I expected better from you, I admit, especially after your recent season in Brazil.” You’re only asking because you feel insecure and that’s never arousing. You might try to get feedback in a different way, by just flat-out complimenting them on their performance, but if they just say, “Thanks,” you’ll feel worse. The best thing to do is keep quiet and assume they thought it was incredible – and that they’re just not telling you because they’ve lost the strength to speak.
“Shall we go halves?”
This never ends well. Asked by a woman, this question means, “Do you still love me? Talk is cheap, I need you to say it with your Visa card.” Asked by a man, it just sounds like, “Wow, you’ve gained weight. I’m not subsidising those hips anymore, sister.” If you haven’t already worked-out a satisfactory bill-splitting arrangement, now isn’t the time to bring that up (even if the waitress has cleared away the sharp knives, those wineglasses can still be lethal), but try to address it in the future. Most people find that taking turns to pay for dates is less soul-destroying than going 50\50 on each one. Or replace expensive dates with thoughtful, cheap ones – a picnic where you’ve prepared your partner’s favourite foods, for example, or rent their favourite film and throw in a box of microwave popcorn.
“Do you know that girl?”
…Because if you don’t, and you really have just spent the last five minutes gawping at her like I don’t exist, I’m going to take you down into a universe of pain. When I’ve finished with you, you’ll be begging me to remove your eyeballs just so you can never disrespect me this way again. Not that you’ll be able to speak.”
If you’re a woman and you find yourself asking this question, slap yourself. The only way to keep your sassy edge in a relationship is to maintain as much self-control as you can. Keep “dignity” as your mantra and you won’t go far wrong – you won’t booty-text at 3am, you won’t drink too much on dates, and you won’t let insecurity leak out in seemingly innocuous ways like asking this question. If you don’t like how you look and fear your partner might find someone else, then improve yourself. Not to keep him, but to make yourself feel better. Look after yourself, exercise, wear your best clothes. Feel like a catch!
If you’re a man on the receiving end of this question, there can be only one answer: “What, that ugly one?” Then check you still have all your limbs. If you do, you dodged a bullet so vow never to make the mistake again. Scientists say there are biological reasons men leer at girls, stuff to do with “movement in the peripheral vision” and “survival instinct”, but don’t quote me unless you want the rest of your sentences to be typed out by a pencil attached to your forehead. Just keep your eyes on your own prize – the girl you’re with.
“Where is this going?”
Ah, there it is. The death knell. The knock at the door from the Four Horsemen of the relationship aplocalypse... or from the removal men your partner booked in case your answer doesn’t involve dropping to one knee. It’s the big one. How much do I hate it? Let me count the ways. Firstly, it’s usually asked by women and puts them squarely in the position of no-power. Asking this says, “You’re in the driving seat, you get to choose my future.” Yeuch. My advice is always – set a personal timeline of when you’d like to be committed to your partner and when it’s passed, THAT is the time to speak. Not now, three weeks in, when you still barely know each other. Don’t worry that it’ll drag on for years and you’ll be wasting time – the timeline will stop that happening. Secondly, this question implies there’s no communication in the relationship – the future, as a topic, should come up naturally as you get closer, not have to be nailed-down artificially. And thirdly, it says that the goal of Marriage, Babies, Forever, is more important than the person you’re actually with. Tick-tock, come on, if you’re not going to propose then I can’t hang around! How can that be flattering? Instead, ask questions that tell you if this is even a person you’d LIKE to spend the rest of your life with. What are their political views? What are their retirement plans? Will they ever see a doctor about their snoring? Those are far more important.
(The above advice stands, unless of course, this question was just directed to a bus-driver. In that case, sorry – as you were.)
“Did you get my message?”
Anyone who knows anything about love and life immediately recognises this question for what it is – the relationship equivalent of the pin being removed from a hand-grenade. You have approximately 10 seconds to get yourself to a place of safety, and you’re not going to make it if you simply reply, “Which one?” (with all its undertones of SMS complacency). What the asker of this question is really asking, of course, is: “Do you love me? Why don’t you reply to stuff I send you? You used to reply, you used to bombard me with texts all day. But these days, oh no, you’re too busy with your fancy friends and your new iPad to bother with the likes of me. Well, perhaps I’ll stop texting you then. I’ll use up my free text allowance exchanging filth with that ex who still emails me when they’re drunk. Would you like that? Would you? WOULD YOU?” The only way to bring this back is to put down whatever you’re doing – as long as it’s not your partner – and say, “Yes, shall we discuss it now?” You do risk that your partner will test you – saying deliberately oblique stuff like, “So are we on?” or throwing out a bluff like, “Yellow or blue?” – but you have to take the chance. Often all your partner really wants to hear is, “I love you.” And the sound of their text-alert a bit more often.
“Was it good for you?”
Really, come on – what are they going to say? Lying there, damply steaming in the afterglow, no partner is ever going to give you a truthful post-match analysis: “The first five minutes were a sheer joy, but you lost your way in the second half. I expected better from you, I admit, especially after your recent season in Brazil.” You’re only asking because you feel insecure and that’s never arousing. You might try to get feedback in a different way, by just flat-out complimenting them on their performance, but if they just say, “Thanks,” you’ll feel worse. The best thing to do is keep quiet and assume they thought it was incredible – and that they’re just not telling you because they’ve lost the strength to speak.
“Shall we go halves?”
This never ends well. Asked by a woman, this question means, “Do you still love me? Talk is cheap, I need you to say it with your Visa card.” Asked by a man, it just sounds like, “Wow, you’ve gained weight. I’m not subsidising those hips anymore, sister.” If you haven’t already worked-out a satisfactory bill-splitting arrangement, now isn’t the time to bring that up (even if the waitress has cleared away the sharp knives, those wineglasses can still be lethal), but try to address it in the future. Most people find that taking turns to pay for dates is less soul-destroying than going 50\50 on each one. Or replace expensive dates with thoughtful, cheap ones – a picnic where you’ve prepared your partner’s favourite foods, for example, or rent their favourite film and throw in a box of microwave popcorn.
“Do you know that girl?”
…Because if you don’t, and you really have just spent the last five minutes gawping at her like I don’t exist, I’m going to take you down into a universe of pain. When I’ve finished with you, you’ll be begging me to remove your eyeballs just so you can never disrespect me this way again. Not that you’ll be able to speak.”
If you’re a woman and you find yourself asking this question, slap yourself. The only way to keep your sassy edge in a relationship is to maintain as much self-control as you can. Keep “dignity” as your mantra and you won’t go far wrong – you won’t booty-text at 3am, you won’t drink too much on dates, and you won’t let insecurity leak out in seemingly innocuous ways like asking this question. If you don’t like how you look and fear your partner might find someone else, then improve yourself. Not to keep him, but to make yourself feel better. Look after yourself, exercise, wear your best clothes. Feel like a catch!
If you’re a man on the receiving end of this question, there can be only one answer: “What, that ugly one?” Then check you still have all your limbs. If you do, you dodged a bullet so vow never to make the mistake again. Scientists say there are biological reasons men leer at girls, stuff to do with “movement in the peripheral vision” and “survival instinct”, but don’t quote me unless you want the rest of your sentences to be typed out by a pencil attached to your forehead. Just keep your eyes on your own prize – the girl you’re with.
“Where is this going?”
Ah, there it is. The death knell. The knock at the door from the Four Horsemen of the relationship aplocalypse... or from the removal men your partner booked in case your answer doesn’t involve dropping to one knee. It’s the big one. How much do I hate it? Let me count the ways. Firstly, it’s usually asked by women and puts them squarely in the position of no-power. Asking this says, “You’re in the driving seat, you get to choose my future.” Yeuch. My advice is always – set a personal timeline of when you’d like to be committed to your partner and when it’s passed, THAT is the time to speak. Not now, three weeks in, when you still barely know each other. Don’t worry that it’ll drag on for years and you’ll be wasting time – the timeline will stop that happening. Secondly, this question implies there’s no communication in the relationship – the future, as a topic, should come up naturally as you get closer, not have to be nailed-down artificially. And thirdly, it says that the goal of Marriage, Babies, Forever, is more important than the person you’re actually with. Tick-tock, come on, if you’re not going to propose then I can’t hang around! How can that be flattering? Instead, ask questions that tell you if this is even a person you’d LIKE to spend the rest of your life with. What are their political views? What are their retirement plans? Will they ever see a doctor about their snoring? Those are far more important.
(The above advice stands, unless of course, this question was just directed to a bus-driver. In that case, sorry – as you were.)
Wednesday 7 September 2011
Today's wisdom thought
You're ready to stand on your own two feet as you will never be independent whilst you're relying too much on others. It has become too much of a habit and too easy to let another person make all your choices for you. They will object when you insist on making your own decisions and taking action without their consent. You don't need anyone's permission to do what you want to do. It will become apparent their need to guide and care for you was as strong as your need to rely on them.
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Gandhi’s Top 10 Fundamentals for Changing the World.
1. Change
“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”
“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.”
“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”
“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.”
2. Control.
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
3. Forgiveness
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”
4. Action.
“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”
5. The present moment.
“I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following.”
6. Everyone is human.
“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”
“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”
7. Persist.
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
8. Goodness.
“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”
“I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.”
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
3. Forgiveness
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”
4. Action.
“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”
5. The present moment.
“I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following.”
6. Everyone is human.
“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”
“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”
7. Persist.
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
8. Goodness.
“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”
“I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.”
9. Truth
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.”
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.”
10. Development.
“Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position.”
“Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position.”
Be careful what kind of fruit and vegetables you eat!!!!!!
Between 2000 and 2009, the Environmental Working Group (EWG) tested 53 popular fruits and vegetables, to find those that had high levels of pesticides.
If, in your quest to reduce exposure to pesticides, it’s not possible for you to eat organic food and vegetables (at least for the 10 fruit and vegetables below) all the time, at least try to always eat locally grown produce from reasonable agriculture.
Understanding the impact of pesticides:
- Why are pesticides toxic? Because they were created to kill living organisms (plants, weeds and insects that attack crops), pesticides present a danger to man as well. Pesticides are accused of provoking nervous system problems, cancer, and hormonal deregulation. Therefore it’s important to avoid pesticides as far as possible, and above all avoid accumulating them in the body.
- Should we stop eating fruit and vegetables? Of course, not – fruit and vegetables are essential human foods, and guarantee good health while preventing a number of diseases. The benefits of a diet rich in fruit and vegetables remain higher than the known risks involved with pesticide exposure. That being said, by eating organic produce, we can avoid most pesticides.
- Is washing and peeling my fruit and vegetables effective against pesticides? Not really, as the Environmental Working Group (EWG) study was carried out with washed fruit and vegetables. And while washing all your fruit and vegetables before eating is definitely necessary, systematically peeling them is not the best solution because most of the vitamins and antioxidants are found in the skin. In addition, many fruits and vegetables store the pesticides in the flesh as well.
The ten most polluted fruit and veg:
Apples: More than 700 apple samples were tested by the EWG. 98% of them contained traces of pesticides and 92% contained at least 2 different types of pesticide. Along with peaches, apples are one of the most highly pesticide treated fruits, with not less than 56 different chemical substances being employed.Blueberries: With their porous and fragile skin, blueberries hold pesticides deep within them. And what about frozen blueberries? While blueberries are often found in the frozen section of your supermarket, it’s best to avoid them as freezing helps preserve the pesticides too.
Celery: 96% of the celery samples tested positive for pesticides and nearly 90% contained a number of different types of pesticide. The problem with celery is that it takes time to arrive at maturity and is thus exposed to pesticides for a longer period than other vegetables.
Grapes: On one sample of grapes imported from the US, 14 different pesticides were detected. The presence of these traces is partly explained by the grape’s thin skin, that lets pesticides into the flesh. However, grapes produced locally in France showed that only 17.5% of samples contained traces of pesticides, while a study of European non-organic grapes showed that 99.2% of the samples were contaminated with pesticides.
Nectarines: 90.8% of the nectarines tested contained traces of at least two types of different pesticides. While the results don’t actually exceed authorised limits for each individual pesticide, these traces can still pose a problem as they become more powerful when combined with each other.
Peaches: 85.6% of the tested peaches contained traces of at least two different types of pesticide. With their thin skins, peaches are more receptive to absorbing pesticides.
Strawberries: On a single sample of strawberries, some 13 different types of pesticides were detected. And while you can wash a strawberry, you probably wouldn’t want to try peeling one!
Peppers: During this study, one sample of peppers contained more than 13 different chemical substances. During the European study, the pepper shone as the vegetable containing the highest number of pesticide traces – 21 in total. Unless they are organic, avoid red and yellow peppers if you can, as they are more mature versions of the green pepper and thus have more exposure time to the pesticides.
Potatoes: Like all vegetables that grow directly in the earth, potatoes are more exposed to pesticides than other above ground vegetables. And their skin is so thin, that they easily absorb a number of pesticides and fungicides. According to the EWG study, 91.4% of potatoes contained pesticide traces.
Spinach: As spinach also grows close to the earth, they are highly exposed to insects and are thus overly protected with pesticides
Tuesday 23 August 2011
Some helpful material for your self esteem and soul
Key questions to help you find alternatives to self-critical thoughts
- What is the evidence?
- Am I confusing a thought with a fact?
- What is the evidence in favour of what I think about myself?
- What alternative perspectives are there?
- Am I assuming my perspective is the only one possible?
- What evidence do I have to support alternative perspectives?
- What is the effect of thinking that way I do about myself?
- Are these self-critical thoughts helpul to me, or are they getting in my way?
- What perspective might be more helpful to me?
- What are the biases in my thinking about myself?
- Am I jumping to conclusions?
- Am I using a double standard?
- Am I thinking in all-or-nothing terms?
- Am I condemning myself as a total person on the basis of a single event?
- Am I concentrating on my weaknesses and forgetting my strengths?
- Am I blaming myself for things which are not really my fault?
- Am I expecting myself to be perfect?
- What can I do?
- How can I put a new, kinder perspective into practice?
- Is there anything I need to do to change the situation? Even if not, what can I do to change my own thinking about it in the future?
- How can I experiment with acting in a less self-defeating way?
Questions to help you to identify your good points
1. What do you like about yourself even small and fleeting?
2. What positive qualities do you possess?
3. What have you achieved in your life, however small?
4. What challenges have you faced?
5. What gifts or talents do you have, however modest?
6. What skills have you acquired?
7. What do other peoplpe like about you?
8. What qualities and actions that you value in others do you share?
9. What aspects of yourself would you appreciate if they were aspects of another person?
10. What small positives are you discounting?
11. How might another person who cared about you describe you?
and remember review the evidence and look for the bigger picture, don't assume -check it out!!!!
Action planning
- How did my low self-esteem develop?
- What kept it going?
- What were my most important unhelpful thoughts, rules and beliefs? What alternatives did I find to them?
- How can I build on what I have learned?
- What might lead to a setback, what will I do about it?
Saturday 20 August 2011
FASHION &TEXTILE CHILDREN'S TRUST
A helping hand for children of people in the UK fashion and textile industry, they can provide a grant to help your children reach their full potential. If you work in fashion retail or textiles and need some help, visit www.ftct.org.uk or call them in confidence on 02071704117.
Help include :educational grants, help with special needs, welfare essentials, support for special talents, mobility, course equipment Please do get in touch:
Fashion&Textile Children's Trust
Winchester House
259-269 Old Marylebone Road
London NW1 5RA
email: anna@ftc.org.uk
Help include :educational grants, help with special needs, welfare essentials, support for special talents, mobility, course equipment Please do get in touch:
Fashion&Textile Children's Trust
Winchester House
259-269 Old Marylebone Road
London NW1 5RA
email: anna@ftc.org.uk
Wednesday 17 August 2011
5 THINGS THAT MAKE A WOMEN IRRESISTIBLE
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but it usually takes more than a tasty meal to truly bowl him over. Here are five traits that men simply cannot resist.
1. A positive attitude
It’s amazing what looking on the bright side can achieve. Psychologist Viren Swami found that pictures of women which came with a list of optimistic personality traits would be rated as more attractive as the same picture with negative attitude traits. Excellent!
2. Confidence
Probably know how to carry yourself, smile a lot, hold eye contact and appear comfortable in all kinds of social situations shows confidence. The bottom line is if you appear to be happy with yourself then the world, and in this case, men, will usually agree with you. As psychologist Berenecea Johnson-Eanes puts it, confident women are "intriguing and more interesting because they tend not to be burdened by the fear of low self-esteem." And this effect can extend into relationships too: "A confident woman will come to the relationship whole and not in need of confirmation of value from his or her mate. This is one of the most powerful and special characteristics one can offer to a relationship."
3. Curves
“Women with curvy hips and smaller waists are to men as beer is to an alcoholic,”
4. Her voiceThere is a reason why Paris Hilton puts on that artificially high voice; apparently men go weak at the knees at women with a high-pitched voice. Research by David Feinberg found that men perceive attractiveness to increase with the pitch of the woman’s voice, but interestingly, it didn’t matter whether the woman was artificially increasing her voice’s pitch or whether it was natural. Scientists speculate that this is because the pitch of a woman’s voice reflects her size and therefore health.
5. A good sense of humour
This would be one way of putting it, or another might be a woman who laughs at her partner’s jokes. In a study of the role of humour in relationships, Bressler found that men will choose a woman based on her capacity to laugh at his jokes while women tend to go for ‘humour producers’.
n
1. A positive attitude
It’s amazing what looking on the bright side can achieve. Psychologist Viren Swami found that pictures of women which came with a list of optimistic personality traits would be rated as more attractive as the same picture with negative attitude traits. Excellent!
2. Confidence
Probably know how to carry yourself, smile a lot, hold eye contact and appear comfortable in all kinds of social situations shows confidence. The bottom line is if you appear to be happy with yourself then the world, and in this case, men, will usually agree with you. As psychologist Berenecea Johnson-Eanes puts it, confident women are "intriguing and more interesting because they tend not to be burdened by the fear of low self-esteem." And this effect can extend into relationships too: "A confident woman will come to the relationship whole and not in need of confirmation of value from his or her mate. This is one of the most powerful and special characteristics one can offer to a relationship."
3. Curves
“Women with curvy hips and smaller waists are to men as beer is to an alcoholic,”
4. Her voiceThere is a reason why Paris Hilton puts on that artificially high voice; apparently men go weak at the knees at women with a high-pitched voice. Research by David Feinberg found that men perceive attractiveness to increase with the pitch of the woman’s voice, but interestingly, it didn’t matter whether the woman was artificially increasing her voice’s pitch or whether it was natural. Scientists speculate that this is because the pitch of a woman’s voice reflects her size and therefore health.
5. A good sense of humour
This would be one way of putting it, or another might be a woman who laughs at her partner’s jokes. In a study of the role of humour in relationships, Bressler found that men will choose a woman based on her capacity to laugh at his jokes while women tend to go for ‘humour producers’.
n
Weekly Health Tip: Stress and the Brain
Deepak Chopra, MD -
The human body responds to stress with a powerful fight-or-flight reaction. Hormones surge through the body, causing the heart to pump faster and sending extra supplies of energy into the bloodstream. For much of human history, this emergency response system was useful: It enabled people to survive immediate physical threats like an attack from a wild animal. But today, the stress in most people’s lives comes from the more psychological and seemingly endless pressures of modern life. Daily challenges like a long commute or a difficult boss can turn on the stress hormones—and because these conditions don’t go away, the hormones don’t shut off. Instead of helping you survive, this kind of stress response can actually make you sick.
Chronic stress can harm the body in several ways. The stress hormone cortisol, for instance, has been linked to an increase in fat around organs, known as visceral fat. The accumulation of visceral fat is dangerous since these fat cells actively secrete hormones that can disrupt the functioning of the liver, pancreas and brain, causing problems such as insulin resistance, inflammation, and metabolic syndrome. Chronic exposure to other stress hormones can also weaken the immune system and even change the structure of chromosomes.
How Stress Affects the Brain Recent research suggests that chronic stress takes a toll on the brain, too. Studies on mice show that stress-related hormones alter physical structures in the brain in ways that could affect memory, learning, and mood. Some of these changes involve dendrites, tiny branch-like structures on nerve cells that send and receive signals. Several studies have shown that stress hormones canshrink dendrites and as a result, information doesn’t get relayed across nerve cells. When the cell damage occurs in a part of the brain called the hippocampus, it can impact memory and learning.
If stress makes you feel anxious, damage to dendrites might be part of the cause. A 2011 study found that rats whose dendrites had eroded due to stress had higher levels of anxiety. More research is needed to determine the exact effect of stress hormones on people’s brains, but one study of adults with post-traumatic stress disorder suggests that the stress hormone cortisol may actually shrink the size of the hippocampus. Researchers are still trying to determine if this is because of the hormone’s toxic effect on neurons or if there is a genetic component—or if both are involved.
Another part of the brain that seems to be affected by stress is the amygdala—the part of the brain that regulates fear and other emotions. A 2003 study found that in mice under stress, the amygdala grew larger while the dendrites in the hippocampus shrank. Researchers believe that together, these two effects may cause an increase in anxiety. They think that as amygdala grows in size, you may experience more anxiety and fear. (The amygdala is known to become bigger and more active in people who are depressed.) But because the hippocampus cells involved in memory are shrinking and not transmitting information effectively, you can’t connect the feelings of fear to memories of real events. You’re left with a lot of generalized anxiety.
Tips on Coping With Stress If this news about stress and the brain is giving you a headache—or stressing you out in other ways—relax. The good news is that you can learn healthy ways to cope with stress that will protect your brain—and the rest of your body—from stress’s negative effects.
Not everyone is equally vulnerable to stress. Genetics play a role in how a person’s body reacts. Your past experiences can affect your response, too. If you lived through a lot of stressful situations growing up, you may be more sensitive to stress as an adult. Try to notice your own reactions to stress. Do you stay calm when pressures mount, or can you feel your pulse increase just thinking about a stressful situation? Once you become aware of what sets off your body’s fight or flight response, you can use these tips to try to change your response to stress.
1. Resolve the stressful situation if you can. You may not have much control over many of the sources of stress in your life, but if there is a something you can do to resolve a stressful situation, do it! Talk to friends about what you can do to change a bad situation, and consider getting help from a conflict resolution expert if necessary.
2. Spend time with loved ones and cultivate healthy friendships. Research shows that a good social support network has definite mental health benefits. It can keep you from feeling lonely, isolated, or inadequate and if you feel good about yourself, you can deal with stress better. Friends and loved ones can be a good source of advice and suggest new ways of handling problems. But they can also be an excellent distraction from what’s bothering you. If your network of friends is small, think about volunteering, joining an outdoor activities group, or trying an online meet-up group to make new friends.
3. Do an activity you like. Part of being stressed out is feeling that you never have enough time. So adding more activities to your schedule might seem like the last thing you need. But if you make even a little bit of time for an activity you really enjoy, the payoff can be huge: You feel calmer and happier and can deal with work and other demands better. Whether it’s playing music, doing a craft, or working on your car, do something that absorbs and relaxes you.
4. Try relaxation techniques. Meditation, yoga, and tai chi can help slow your breathing and heart rate and focus your mind inward, away from whatever is causing you stress.
5. Exercise regularly. Whether it’s walking outside with a friend or taking an exercise class at the gym, getting active can help you relax and help turn off your body’s stress response.
6. Get plenty of sleep. When you’re well rested, you can approach stressful situations more calmly.
7. Eat a healthy diet. Stress is tough enough on your body, so help it out by feeding it fresh fruits and vegetables and low-fat protein.
8. Appreciate what’s good in your life. It sounds corny, but focusing your thoughts on positive parts of your life instead of the stress-ridden areas can be good for your physical health. Research shows that positive emotions helped people recover their normal heart rate more quickly after it was raised during exertion.
9. Laugh! Researchers are still investigating the precise effects of laughter on stress hormones, but some findings suggest that it has astress-relief effect on heart rate, respiratory rate, and muscle tension. Your own research has probably convinced you that laughing makes you feel better.
10. Seek professional counseling if necessary. Extreme chronic stress is no laughing matter. Enlist the help of a professional if you think you are at risk for serious health effects.
Chronic stress can harm the body in several ways. The stress hormone cortisol, for instance, has been linked to an increase in fat around organs, known as visceral fat. The accumulation of visceral fat is dangerous since these fat cells actively secrete hormones that can disrupt the functioning of the liver, pancreas and brain, causing problems such as insulin resistance, inflammation, and metabolic syndrome. Chronic exposure to other stress hormones can also weaken the immune system and even change the structure of chromosomes.
How Stress Affects the Brain Recent research suggests that chronic stress takes a toll on the brain, too. Studies on mice show that stress-related hormones alter physical structures in the brain in ways that could affect memory, learning, and mood. Some of these changes involve dendrites, tiny branch-like structures on nerve cells that send and receive signals. Several studies have shown that stress hormones canshrink dendrites and as a result, information doesn’t get relayed across nerve cells. When the cell damage occurs in a part of the brain called the hippocampus, it can impact memory and learning.
If stress makes you feel anxious, damage to dendrites might be part of the cause. A 2011 study found that rats whose dendrites had eroded due to stress had higher levels of anxiety. More research is needed to determine the exact effect of stress hormones on people’s brains, but one study of adults with post-traumatic stress disorder suggests that the stress hormone cortisol may actually shrink the size of the hippocampus. Researchers are still trying to determine if this is because of the hormone’s toxic effect on neurons or if there is a genetic component—or if both are involved.
Another part of the brain that seems to be affected by stress is the amygdala—the part of the brain that regulates fear and other emotions. A 2003 study found that in mice under stress, the amygdala grew larger while the dendrites in the hippocampus shrank. Researchers believe that together, these two effects may cause an increase in anxiety. They think that as amygdala grows in size, you may experience more anxiety and fear. (The amygdala is known to become bigger and more active in people who are depressed.) But because the hippocampus cells involved in memory are shrinking and not transmitting information effectively, you can’t connect the feelings of fear to memories of real events. You’re left with a lot of generalized anxiety.
Tips on Coping With Stress If this news about stress and the brain is giving you a headache—or stressing you out in other ways—relax. The good news is that you can learn healthy ways to cope with stress that will protect your brain—and the rest of your body—from stress’s negative effects.
Not everyone is equally vulnerable to stress. Genetics play a role in how a person’s body reacts. Your past experiences can affect your response, too. If you lived through a lot of stressful situations growing up, you may be more sensitive to stress as an adult. Try to notice your own reactions to stress. Do you stay calm when pressures mount, or can you feel your pulse increase just thinking about a stressful situation? Once you become aware of what sets off your body’s fight or flight response, you can use these tips to try to change your response to stress.
1. Resolve the stressful situation if you can. You may not have much control over many of the sources of stress in your life, but if there is a something you can do to resolve a stressful situation, do it! Talk to friends about what you can do to change a bad situation, and consider getting help from a conflict resolution expert if necessary.
2. Spend time with loved ones and cultivate healthy friendships. Research shows that a good social support network has definite mental health benefits. It can keep you from feeling lonely, isolated, or inadequate and if you feel good about yourself, you can deal with stress better. Friends and loved ones can be a good source of advice and suggest new ways of handling problems. But they can also be an excellent distraction from what’s bothering you. If your network of friends is small, think about volunteering, joining an outdoor activities group, or trying an online meet-up group to make new friends.
3. Do an activity you like. Part of being stressed out is feeling that you never have enough time. So adding more activities to your schedule might seem like the last thing you need. But if you make even a little bit of time for an activity you really enjoy, the payoff can be huge: You feel calmer and happier and can deal with work and other demands better. Whether it’s playing music, doing a craft, or working on your car, do something that absorbs and relaxes you.
4. Try relaxation techniques. Meditation, yoga, and tai chi can help slow your breathing and heart rate and focus your mind inward, away from whatever is causing you stress.
5. Exercise regularly. Whether it’s walking outside with a friend or taking an exercise class at the gym, getting active can help you relax and help turn off your body’s stress response.
6. Get plenty of sleep. When you’re well rested, you can approach stressful situations more calmly.
7. Eat a healthy diet. Stress is tough enough on your body, so help it out by feeding it fresh fruits and vegetables and low-fat protein.
8. Appreciate what’s good in your life. It sounds corny, but focusing your thoughts on positive parts of your life instead of the stress-ridden areas can be good for your physical health. Research shows that positive emotions helped people recover their normal heart rate more quickly after it was raised during exertion.
9. Laugh! Researchers are still investigating the precise effects of laughter on stress hormones, but some findings suggest that it has astress-relief effect on heart rate, respiratory rate, and muscle tension. Your own research has probably convinced you that laughing makes you feel better.
10. Seek professional counseling if necessary. Extreme chronic stress is no laughing matter. Enlist the help of a professional if you think you are at risk for serious health effects.
Monday 15 August 2011
Poverty in Africa
Last week, the Disasters Emergency Committee issued another appeal calling for urgent donations for Africa which is going through a full-blown famine the first recorded in Africa for 27 years. Many women tie a rope around their waist to stave off their hunger pangs so they can give their children any food they get. This practice shows how desperately hungry women are. Women have died after untying their stomachs once food is available . The sudden reintroduction of food can shock the body too much, and even cause heart failure.
Around 2.9 million people in Somalia-a third of the population -need humanitarian aid, while nearly five million people are affected in Ethioia. Meanwhile, 3.5 million are at risk of starvation in Kenya.
Please to make a donation , visit www.actionaid.org.uk
Around 2.9 million people in Somalia-a third of the population -need humanitarian aid, while nearly five million people are affected in Ethioia. Meanwhile, 3.5 million are at risk of starvation in Kenya.
Please to make a donation , visit www.actionaid.org.uk
New trends 2012
- Masculine tailoring
- Artsy-crafty texture rombos
- Graphic silhouettes
- Loose silhouettes
- Asymetric dresses
- Graphical optical prints
Christophe Kane: New liquid bag around those water pencil cases
Roberto Cavalli: He has providing the world with his heady dose of bohemian glamour for 40 years: Exotic prints, feather embellishment and metallics have been embraced by actresses all over the world.
"Glamour is an attitude. You have to believe in your self as much as the dress.
"Things that dont overtake the personality of the wearer"
"Clothes are something that totally empower you"
Friday 12 August 2011
Celebration of FASHION
Why do we as women need to buy unnecessary things?
We can not control ourselves, we are impulsive and spontaneous
Are we understood by men?
Do they know how we enjoy spending money and feel free in our own way
So many women have to lie about their retail therapy
We deserve to treat ourselves as goddess and indulge our innermost desires by shopping beautiful things that
make us happy
do you agree or disagree?
Love
Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused
Wednesday 10 August 2011
Answer this simple questionnaire and find out the truth
He makes you laugh until you cry
A sense of the humour is one of the most appealing qualities in a man and sharing the same jokes will keep you close, whatever comes your way. It doesn't matter if no one else finds you funny, as long as you can make each other laugh out loud.
You want the same things out of life
If you want to settle down and have a family and he wants to travel the world with no commitments then you are not on the same page. Although all couples have to make compromises you should essentially want the same things out of life and be able to work towards them together.
He likes you best with no make up on
Yes, you may think he is lying but the chances are that he really does prefer you au natural. He loves you for you, not for the clothes you wear or the make up you doll yourself up in. If he tells you're pretty when you are cuddled up in your pyjamas then chances are that he means it.
You love him because of his flaws
It is wrong to think that to be ‘the one' your man has to be perfect. Nobody is perfect. He is ‘the one' when you know him well enough to see all his flaws, accept them for part of who he is, and love him just as much anyway.
He supports you in everything you do
Whether you are going for a job promotion or planning a night out with your friends - he should be your biggest cheerleader. He may not agree 100% with all your decisions but he will never stop you doing anything, will be there to offer advice and pick you up when things go wrong.
You trust him implicitly
If you have been hurt in the past it can be difficult to trust again, but it is an important part of any relationship. Your partner should earn your trust by proving that he always keeps his word and treats you with respect. No, you can never be 100% sure he won't stray but 99.5% will do.
Even your dad/best friend/dog likes him
OK, it shouldn't matter what other people think of him, but it is still nice to know that they approve. Your dad and best friend are only looking out for your best interests and it is difficult to convince them that somebody is good enough for you. If your boyfriend manages to get them on his side then you are probably on to a winner.
You wake up and feel lucky each morning
As you roll over in the morning and see him lying next to you, you are struck with a great sense of contentment. Here, out of everywhere in the world, is where you most want to be. You feel lucky to have him in your life and can't imagine sharing it with anyone else.
You stop noticing the cute guy at the coffee shop
Of course you are still going to find other men attractive but it is amazing how much less you notice them when you have found ‘the one'. Think about it, have you met anyone recently who really got your juices flowing? No? Then chances are he's right in front of you.
You just know
Sometimes there is no defining factor or moment that confirms he is ‘the one' - you just know. When your life is brighter with him in it (even with his annoying habits and football obsession), when you feel happy each morning and can't imagine your life without him, when you smile thinking about him - you just know.
When you thought I wasn’t looking
You kissed me good-night
And I felt loved.
You kissed me good-night
And I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn’t looking
I saw tears come from your eyes
And I learned that sometimes things hurt—
But that it’s alright to cry.
I saw tears come from your eyes
And I learned that sometimes things hurt—
But that it’s alright to cry.
When you thought I wasn’t looking
You smiled
And it made me want to look that pretty too.
You smiled
And it made me want to look that pretty too.
When you thought I wasn’t looking
You cared
And I wanted to be everything I could be.
You cared
And I wanted to be everything I could be.
When you thought I wasn’t looking—
I looked . . .
And wanted to say thanks
For all those things you did
When you thought I wasn’t looking
I looked . . .
And wanted to say thanks
For all those things you did
When you thought I wasn’t looking
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